careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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