Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
