But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
