one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
