This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
