I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
