And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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