I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
