she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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