I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
