Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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