my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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