I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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