You're a womanizer and a bitch.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We left the knife in your bed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
