Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
