I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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