I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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