What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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