One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
