Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
