But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
