Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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