thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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