The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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