i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
