So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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