Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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