Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
