look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
