so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she pinky promised me she was 18
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
