On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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