I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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