If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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