we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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