just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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