i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
