I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
