how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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