just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
