It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
50% drunk capacity currently
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
