From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
