happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
