Me. At least after what I've been through.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
