1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
