My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
