your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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