I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think my tv is drunk
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
