so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
