just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
