Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
