it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
