if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
