are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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